Jim Valentin

Something strange I saw on the Oktoberfest in Munich. Someone without beer…

The last tv-show I wrote will air 22nd of october - one year after production was done. It is a sketch comedy and we are now in the third series. I hope the ratings will be okay, since the head of entertainment of the broadcasting company asked me on the Oktoberfest how I felt about a fourth series. I told him to wait for the raitings…

Here’s a sketch from the second series - the idea is to change on DVDs between regional dialects. It’s not English, but it’s very well acted and directed:

I’m back on a screeplay I started about four years ago. It’s a complicated story, the movie is fairly simple, though. Each year the US Army hires some unemployed Germans to become civilians of the battlefield (COBs). They put them in a village on a military base and use them as live props their combat training. Must be pretty hilarious there. Our movie tells the story of those civilians accepting the challenge and goig to war against the US Army. If you ever heard of Asterix you’ll get the idea.

The whole idea was pitched to me by a producer in 2003. Another writer had already started an exposé, but had failed to get the story told. I don’t know why, but he was stuck with the idea of a buddy movie. It was handed to me and I made it an ensemble film, focusing on the community of jobless Germans. It went pretty well, we eventually got money for it and went on to write our first draft.

Now here’s the thing with co-writers. I don’t know why, but I usually get frustrated with them. There are two people I can really write with. One of them is an actor and we go straight into the dialogue. He’s a bad choice for writing the plot, though. There I know only one other writer who’s comatible with me.

I was not compatible with the co-writer of the COBs. After the first draft we wanted the script to go in different directions. I don’t even remember what the ideas were, but after a long discussion I just gave up on the story and let him have it. A couple of weeks ago I was called to make the script funny again. I read it. It said 6th draft on the cover. Now I’m doing the 7th draft. Hope, it’ll come out funny.

Just for warming up I tend to write short scenes. Whatever comes to my mind. Like this one that I thought of last night.

Int. Sally’s Bedroom - Night

Sally, 5 years old, is laying in her bed. Her father Ruben is sitting next to her.

Sally

Dad, do you think my bicycle is sad because it has to stay in the barn?

Ruben

Oh, no. Of course not.

SALLY

But it is all alone.

RUBEN

Well, I guess you have never heard the story of the little bicycle.

SALLY

No. Can you…?

RUBEN

Of course. So, once upon a time, there was a little bycicle in a big, big barn. It was dark and cold, late fall.

SALLY

Poor little bicycle.

RUBEN

No. The little bicycle was just a bike. It did not have any feelings, because it was made of steel. It did not have parents, friends, did not feel joy, sadness, nothing. It was just a freakin’ bicycle, you see?

SALLY

Yes, but…

RUBEN

No but. When winter had passed and spring came around, the little bicycle was rusty and thrown away. And since it was a bike, it did not give a damn about it.

SALLY

What a brave, little bicycle.

It’s celebration day. We sold a script to an austrian production company, production starts next spring. Or winter. Depends on what the temperature says.

The story is about the Holy Spirit who did not go back to heaven after he came down to teach Jesus’ disciples enough languages to spread the word. Now, 1973 years later, Jesus comes down to earth to tell him that in 7 days the Holy Father will have completed a new world where they’ll move after the apocalypse. But the Holy Spirit is not happy with that. He wrote a musical and that premieres the same day Jesus wants the apocalypse to go down. When Jesus kills his main actress in a car accident, they have to find out how to bring her back to life. As a co-creator of the new world Jesus forgot all about his “magic”. Their journey begins.

So I spent another hour on this trailer…

So screenwriter John August set up a competition for nerds and geeks to create a trailer for the movie “The Nines” which he wrote and directed. Here’s what I created with my little editing knowledge.

int. Office - Day

Jim Valentin is sitting in his office, trying to figure out how to set up a WordPress weblog.

Jim Valentin

(to himself)

If I get this right, I might even blog every day. Or at least every other day. Week.

He sighs.